At the top of the staircase, I lace up my running shoes. 'Singing over you,' comes to mind. I know the bible verse. I hold on to it in that moment; in theory, and simply. I have something coming up later this week and maybe I will use this verse. Later. The thought presses through as I head downstairs and out of my front door.
With you.
Singing over you.
I put forth the effort to remember the words.
"The LORD your God is with you... Mighty to save. He will take delight in you. He will quiet you with His love. He will sing over you." (Zephaniah 3:17)Could this be? God? Whispering to me.
I don't think about it too much. While a stretch a bit, I look up at my bedroom window feeling like I'm talking to myself, in a sense. Nodding slightly, "Okay." The lump in my throat swelling, my eyebrows bowing.
I let my face hang low in the shower. If it wants to. I let my tears fall while the water washes over me. If I can cry standing up, I can believe I am getting stronger.
God is good, and good to me. But I am depressed, and my sin is separating me from God. The great void. This is my story with depression, and it's fair enough to say that yours might be different. I want my life to change. I want my heart and mind to change! Jesus has died for me, taken my sin upon Himself.
"I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes." -Romans 1:16Days pass. Weeks and months are gone. If I can) not feel anger and hostility, I will not. I try to not. When God sees me, I want to reflect back to Him evidence of HIS very grace given, and so received. I am always only in His will or outside of it. God is Love.
My motivation has run thin before. However, I do believe God spoke to me that morning. This fire has not run out.
We are all going to have those days where we're down on the floor crying, and we have no idea how we got here or what comes next. The only way we're going to find out - is if we stand back up and try again.
We were created for more. The truth is, if you are not motivated to do it right now, you're not motivated yet.
I really, truly believe that we are in control of our own mentalities. If you don't like your life, you can change it.
Give your life to God - faithful and good, again. Start there.
Go to church.
